Is it THAT time of year again?

No, I don’t mean the holidays (though those are approaching all too rapidly). I mean … performance reviews. And the even-more-dreaded potential for layoffs. Because whatever we may think about companies that do this, it’s common practice that when RIFs (Reductions In Force) are necessary, they often happen just before the end of the year. (It’s a financial accounting thing. …

gljudson Self-talk

Feeling uncomfortable? Good!

Over the last few days, I’ve had an extended conversation with one of my clients about what it takes to learn and grow. We started talking about one of his employees, moved into a more general discussion, and then came back to his employee … and him. The essence of the conversation centered around this reality: if you’re feeling uncomfortable, …

gljudson Self-talk

Afraid of being judged?

Fear of being judged shows up in many ways. We don’t say what we really feel. We don’t wear what we want to wear. We don’t plant our garden – metaphorically or literally – the way we want to plant it. We don’t eat what we want to eat. We don’t ask for what we really want. We don’t read …

gljudson Self-talk

Muting the rotten tomato (a.k.a. your inner critics)

I’ve got good news and bad news. The bad news is that your inner critics will never go away completely. The good news is – well, actually, there are two pieces of good news. (Yay!) Good news #1 You can dial down the inner critics’ noise significantly. With time, patience, and practice, the inner critics’ voices will sound more and more …

gljudson Self-talk

What to say to your inner critic

In my last post, I suggested that you list out the cast of characters throwing rotten tomatoes around in your head. You know, your Inner Critic – or rather, your whole regiment of Critics, since none of us have just one. (If you want to go back and (re-)read that post, click this link; it opens in a new window, …

gljudson Self-talk

Who’s throwing rotten tomatoes?

Your inner critic, that’s who. And if you’re like most people, you’ve got a whole regiment of critics installed in your head, all armed with their own special sort of tomato. There’s the Slavedriver: you’ll never work hard enough to succeed. The Perfectionist: no matter how hard you work, it will never be good enough. The Martyr: you have to …

gljudson Self-talk

Want better conversations?

I have what may be bad news for you: better conversations start with you. They start with the conversations you have with yourself, with that rotten-tomato-throwing peanut gallery in your head that’s constantly on the alert for any mistake it thinks you’ve made. The peanut gallery holds us back from acknowledging ourselves for our success, it hates the loneliness of having opinions others don’t …

gljudson Self-talk

How is your “house” decorated?

One of my favorite quotes comes from the Sufi poet Hafiz: The words you speak become the house you live in. Think about that for a moment. How often do you judge yourself, call yourself names, berate yourself – all in ways you’d never inflict on anyone else? This morning, my husband made the wise and true point that we …

gljudson Self-talk

Failure … or defeat?

Failure is not the same as defeat. Unless you allow it to be. It’s probably cliché to quote Thomas Edison, but it’s also relevant:  “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” If he’d allowed his first – or 100th, or 9,999th – failure to equal defeat, someone else would have invented the lightbulb. We are …

gljudson Self-talk

Visible doesn’t mean exposed

I was talking with a client last week who told me that her biggest challenge in being in business has to do with visibility. “I’m a private person,” she said, and went on to describe her fears of having to put too much of herself on public view in order to succeed in her business. As an introvert and a private …

gljudson Self-talk