If at first you don’t succeed…

Electric sign reading "You got this" in black letters on a desk with a phone and computerPractice.

It’s a word everyone loves to hate.

Because it means we can’t just intellectually understand something. We have to do the thing, and in the beginning, we’ll do it badly – because that’s what it means to learn how to do it well.

And leadership skills – practicing leadership – it’s scary. It’s vulnerable, and those who deeply want to do it well know they’re sometimes going to screw it up.

It’s why so many people avoid confrontation, avoid delegation, avoid holding their people accountable.

I have a client who’s so anxious about making a mistake and upsetting an employee that she sugar-coats requests. It’s not helpful, though it’s understandable.

But sugar-coating requests – using language like “I’d like it if…” or “I’d prefer if you…” – means there’s no clarity for the employee. Okay, great, you’d like it if I did that, but does that really mean I’m supposed to do it? You’d like it if I remembered to complete this task, but… there’s no urgency. You’d prefer I do it your way instead of my way, but that’s not an actual directive.

You get the point.

As the inimitable Brené Brown says, clear is kind.

Sugar-coating, on the other hand, is – (and I’ve said this to my client) – passive-aggressive. Which is very much not what she wants to be.

Practice. Practice delegation. Practice holding people accountable – for real, not just “I’d like it if…”

And while you’re at it, don’t forget to practice praise and acknowledgement – with just as much specificity as delegation and accountability. Not just “Hey, thanks!”, but “Hey, thanks – you completed this particular thing really well and on time – that’s great.” (See here for more on that.)

Recognition invites repetition. By which I mean, if you recognize someone for doing a specific thing especially well, and tell them exactly what it was you appreciated, they will do it again.

Practice. Practice clarity. Practice accountability. Practice recognition.

Practice leadership. Because in the end, that’s what leadership is: a practice.


There’s lots more to read on my Substack – where you’ll find a host of articles on culture, leadership, values, and more. Come explore, come subscribe, come join the conversations!