I’ve always wanted to take an improv class, but I’ve never actually done it.
So why am I writing about improv as it relates to change leadership?
Well, if you’re even slightly familiar with improv, you know one of the primary principles is to say “and” instead of “but.”
Resistance to change often shows up as “Yes, but!”
Whether that’s a response to a manager’s request to take some sort of action, or to a team member’s suggestion of a better way to do something, or, yes, your own internal voice insisting that you’re stuck, “yes, but” is more than a speed bump. It’s a brick wall.
And not to state the obvious or anything, but it’s hard to make progress when faced with a brick wall planted in your way.
Let’s look at how to dismantle that wall.
Be willing to be influenced
If you’re the one saying “Yes, but!” – well – may I be blunt? (I’ll assume you’re nodding.)
That’s closed-minded of you.
Instead of saying “Yes, but!”, try the improv approach: “Yes, and!”
That “and” has a lot of power for a three-letter, often-used word. It has the power to open your mind and allow other ideas to emerge. It has the power to encourage curiosity and creativity – and we can all use more of that!
Ease up. Back up. Consider other perspectives and what else could be possible.
Be willing to understand
Are you hearing “Yes, but!” from your team, a colleague, family, friends … or yourself?
Yeah, it’s frustrating, on all those counts.
But frustration isn’t the answer. Stop. Breathe. Ask questions. Encourage the other person (and yourself!) to replace that “but” with “and.”
Understanding someone’s position – even when you disagree (especially when you disagree!) – is a powerful step forward.
For you and the other person, who almost certainly also feels stuck.
Use your influence for good
People sometimes ask me if the communication tools I teach – such as “yes, and” instead of “yes, but” – are manipulative.
Let’s be real: any request we make is manipulative, and no, I’m not playing word games. If we’re at all skilled in understanding other people, we’re going to frame our request in a way that encourages them to respond positively. And why wouldn’t we?
Influence, like any tool, can be used for good – or for ill. I’m not suggesting tricking anyone, gaslighting, or being dishonest (which are all forms of manipulation). I’m simply saying that the more information you have about someone’s perspective and why they’re saying “Yes, but!”, the more likely you are to be able to move them towards, “Yes, and!”
Are you hearing “Yes, but!” – from your team, maybe a family member, or … yourself? Drop me a note through my contact form and we’ll set a time to have a conversation – not a sales pitch!