No, I’m not talking about politicians (though you’d certainly have reason to wonder).
I’m talking about a trap many people fall into.
Arguing with reality.
What’s an argument with reality? Well, it’s when – for instance – it’s raining on your vacation and you stubbornly cling to your outdoor-activity plans, loudly claiming that “it shouldn’t be raining!”
Okay, most people would yield on that one, and would find something to do indoors (or might go dancing in the rain, if it were warm enough!).
But how many times have you heard people declare, “But he shouldn’t …” or “But she should …”
He shouldn’t do or say that. She should do this instead of that.
Here’s the thing, though: He is saying that. She is doing that, not this.
Whether you think it’s right or not, it’s the reality.
And as long as you’re arguing with reality, you’re stuck. You can’t find options for dealing with what’s right in front of you. You have no paths around, under, over, or through. You’re stuck.
Accepting reality doesn’t mean it’s okay. Quite the opposite: it means now you can make decisions for what to do about what’s not okay, instead of – forgive me – stamping your feet and saying it “shouldn’t be that way.”
As leaders, we’re often confronted with situations we’d rather not have to deal with – things that range from objectively wrong to annoyingly challenging. The employee who’s consistently late, or who lies about why they didn’t complete a task. Our own manager, who’s disrespectful, irrational, and inconsistent. And so on – and these are all situations my clients, my readers, and my YouTube subscribers have told me about.
“Should” they be doing all those things? In a perfect world, of course not. But – news flash! spoiler alert! – we don’t live in a perfect world. Far from it.
And the more we try to force reality to be what we think it “should” be, the more unhappy and frustrated we’ll be.
Instead, as the tagline in the footer of my website suggests, find a better perspective, do something about it, ahd have fun!
NOTES:
I’m not creating videos these days, but my YouTube channel still gets views and comments; you can find it here.
I try to keep politics out of this space (not always successfully, obviously); if you’re curious about my thoughts on the subject, I have a Substack, GraceNotesWeekly, where I share one relevant quote each week along with a brief opinionated article.