You know the Golden Rule, right? “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
Treat everyone like you want to be treated.
Sounds eminently reasonable, right?
The problem is, we don’t all want the same things. I mean, hello, that’s obvious, of course. But with that in mind, the Golden Rule falls flat and becomes problematic.
If I really like small talk (to be clear, I don’t!), and my colleague down the hall just wants to cut to the heart of the matter, and I chirp along with the small talk, she’s going to get annoyed.
If I want clear direction on what and how to do something, and my team member prefers to figure it out on their own (and is good at it), that team member is going to feel micromanaged when I default to my own preference and overload them with details.
And we all default to our own preferences. Whether it’s communication preferences (please, don’t pick up the phone to talk to me – send me an email or a text! – but my husband is very fond of phone calls…), leadership styles*, or any interpersonal behavior, we naturally and automatically operate according to what’s most comfortable to us – our preference.
But that ain’t gonna work for everyone – in fact, it will only work for the few people who are Just Like Us (very few, as I’m sure you’ve noticed).
Instead, think about who your people are as individuals and in terms of where they are in their professional development.
No matter how much you may enjoy small talk, if they don’t, skip the chit-chat. If they need, whether because of a learning curve or because they just prefer specifically detailed direction, give them that – even if you’d rather provide an outline and let them figure things out. Of course, sometimes “let them figure it out” is a learning opportunity – but not always.
Yes, it’s a three-way balancing act – balancing between your own preferences and theirs plus what they need relative to their skill and development. So yes, it’s more work – you need to be both self-aware and other-aware, and that takes time and care.
But it’s worth it, becauase if you follow the Platinum Rule, doing unto others as they prefer to be done unto, you’ll be a better, more successful, and more respected leader.
Notes:
* I’m not a fan of the myriad leadership style definitions you can find in books, workshops, and online. Why? Because, first, the definitions are all over the place, as you’ll see if you Google. And, second, they push leaders, especially those who are just learning how to lead, into believing they have to pick a style and stick with it. That’s not effective, for so many reasons; far better to discover one’s own, individual style, and then understand, as I describe in this article, how to adapt it according to your people’s needs and their preferences.
Photo credit: Zlaťáky.cz: https://www.pexels.com/photo/close-up-photo-of-gold-bars-8442325/