Communication.
We tend to think of communication as what we say – the concepts, ideas, requests that we speak to individuals or groups. This is especially true of leaders, who, with some justification, consider a big part of their role to be about explaining projects, assigning tasks, giving feedback, and so on.
Bluntly, though, this is a problem. Yes, of course leaders need to do those things – they need to tell their teams what’s happening, what needs to be done, and – hopefully, at least – why it’s important.
But the key word there, the problem word, is TELL.
When communication is conducted from that perspective, it becomes what I call communi-telling: top-down mandates and instructions with little to no opportunity for the people being told to offer suggestions, ask questions, or raise concerns.
The alternative to communi-telling is to have conversations.
And that requires leaders (and all of us, really) to learn how to listen – which requires us to be willing to hear.
I was recently introduced to a “listening framework” by a colleague through her post on LinkedIn. (If you’re not already connected with Cynthia Farrell, go check out her work; it’s excellent. Links included below.)
There are three parts to this framework – not steps, I hasten to add, because they work together, not sequentially.
Listen for the facts: the actual content of what’s being said.
Listen for the feelings: how are those facts expressed? what emotions appear to be driving the speaker?
Listen for the values: can you tell what matters to the speaker?
And you know what? I’m going to let Cynthia’s post on this speak for itself (no pun intended). Because she describes it beautifully – so please click through and read it, even if you’re not on LinkedIn. (Yes, the link works for non-LinkedIn folks – I just tested it on an incognito browser.)
I’ll add one more thing: the resounding success of Democratic election results in New Jersey, Virginia, and New York City – whether you agree with them or not (for the record, I’m elated) – are clear demonstrations of what happens when people listen. I don’t know if any of the three elected (Mikie Sherrill, Abigail Spanberger, and Zohran Mamdani, respectively) are familiar with this specific listening framework; I kinda doubt it, actually; but they clearly instinctively get it. And thus, their success.
Notes:
Cynthia Farrell’s post, as referenced above: https://www.linkedin.com/feed/update/urn:li:activity:7389685060884422656/
Cynthia Farrell’s LinkedIn profile: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cynthiamfarrell/
A previous article of mine on listening: https://www.gracejudson.com/hey-are-you-listening/
And if you’re interested in my Advanced Communication class, check it out here and then contact me if you’re interested.