Giving negative feedback is NOT fun. It’s something we just don’t want to do. But as a manager and supervisor, it’s something you have to do sometimes – even when you’re not sure how to handle performance improvement meetings. I’ve got you! In this video, I provide an overview of how to manage the constructive feedback process, from identifying exactly …
Conflict-avoidant? Get over it!
Last year, I was part of a family Thing. You probably know the sort of Thing I mean. Words were spoken that shouldn’t have been, and other words weren’t spoken that should have been. Then the situation devolved into a Bigger Thing because it wasn’t raised as a Thing until weeks later – by email. One of the participants is, according to …
Bridging the Gap – even when you disagree
This is a talk I did at a recent public symposium at the Fayetteville, Arkansas public library. (A beautiful space, if you’re anywhere in the area!) The overall symposium topic was “Discover the Power With(in).” Eight speakers, of which I was (obviously) one, presented their perspective on personal power, the power we all have within us to create collaboration and …
Sometimes it just doesn’t work
You thought and wrote about what you wanted to happen till your pen ran dry and your hand cramped up. You practiced what you wanted to say till your voice got hoarse and your heart cracked open. But sometimes it just doesn’t work. My brother and I have been out of touch for a long time now. It wasn’t anything …
Do it now! 3 steps to hard conversations
Difficult conversations are, well, difficult. Hard. Challenging. Intimidating. Easy to put off. I’ve had several discussions recently with people who were trying to decide how to tackle a difficult conversation. In each case, the over-riding emotion was some form of do I hafta? combined with I’m dreading this! Of course I understand. I face my own sense of dread and …
The gentle art of conflict transformation
Some people avoid conflict. Others seem to relish it. Google “conflict management,” and you’ll get over nine million results – and a lot of autofill suggestions about conflict management styles, examples, process, and so on. Google “conflict resolution,” and you’ll see over 70 million results! Based on those numbers, it seems like a lot more people are trying to fix …
What do we do next?
This has been an unbelievably weird, wild, difficult year. An unprecedented number of catastrophic, profoundly painful events have caused immense loss and suffering for a tremendous number of people across the United States and around the world. Parallel to these in-the-moment events are revelations of long-ongoing acts of harassment and violence against various groups of people deemed “not like us” …
When you have every right …
Someone did something wrong. Something happened, outside of your control but within theirs, that impacted you in a hurtful, time-consuming, or perhaps even expensive way. You have every right to be angry. Pissed off. Annoyed. Frustrated. Forget this empathy horsepucky – you’re mad, and you’re going to tell them all about it. Hold on a minute! There’s a big misconception …
How do you empathize with someone who’s WRONG?
A reader sent me this question: How do you empathize with someone who is very wrong? My reader had been in a situation where her personal space was invaded – painfully. We’ve probably all experienced something like this: we’re standing innocently on line at the supermarket and the person behind us shoves their shopping cart into us. More unusually, not …
An alternative to “safe space”
“This is a safe space.” We hear that a lot in coaching, counseling, consulting, and even in business meetings. Groups on Facebook and on LinkedIn are touted as “safe space” where we can feel comfortable in the company of like-minded people: no one will push our buttons. Educational institutions are under pressure to create “safe space” where students and teachers …
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