Difficult conversations are, well, difficult. Hard. Challenging. Intimidating. Easy to put off. I’ve had several discussions recently with people who were trying to decide how to tackle a difficult conversation. In each case, the over-riding emotion was some form of do I hafta? combined with I’m dreading this! Of course I understand. I face my own sense of dread and …
For what?
“Thank you.” It’s polite, grateful, and appreciative. Hopefully, it’s also sincere and warm. “Thank you.” It’s nice to hear. But if “thank you” is all you say, you’re missing several important opportunities. When someone hears you state the specific thing you’re grateful for, they feel seen, valued, and truly appreciated. When they only hear a generic “thank you,” it can feel offhand …
The gentle art of conflict transformation
Some people avoid conflict. Others seem to relish it. Google “conflict management,” and you’ll get over nine million results – and a lot of autofill suggestions about conflict management styles, examples, process, and so on. Google “conflict resolution,” and you’ll see over 70 million results! Based on those numbers, it seems like a lot more people are trying to fix …
What’s in the space between?
In every relationship between two people, there are obviously two entities involved: the two people. What you may not realize is that there’s a third entity in the room. And leaving out that entity – especially when there’s disagreement or conflict happening – is a huge mistake. So what in the world am I talking about? The space between the …
What you’re not taught (but should learn)
Why aren’t communication, negotiation, and conflict management skills taught in school? Starting in grade school. And in high school. And college. As a requirement, not an elective.* We leave school and wander off into the rest of our lives, mostly unskilled in the art of relationships, connection, negotiation, and real communication. The ability to have hard conversations is a keystone …
Are ghosts and zombies real?
Are you a fan of horror movies and flesh-eating zombie shows? I’m not. Perhaps (and I say this slightly tongue-in-cheek) this is because I deal with so many real ghosts and zombies in my work … and, just like anyone else, in my personal life. Because ghosts and zombies are definitely real. They will haunt you, and they do eat your …
A simple, fun empathy experiment
What does it mean to be empathetic? If it doesn’t come naturally for you – and according to psychological studies, it’s not natural for about 80% of the population – then the task of becoming more empathetic seems daunting at best, and impossible at worst. At least, that’s what some of my clients have said. Then I give them empathy-training …
What do we do next?
This has been an unbelievably weird, wild, difficult year. An unprecedented number of catastrophic, profoundly painful events have caused immense loss and suffering for a tremendous number of people across the United States and around the world. Parallel to these in-the-moment events are revelations of long-ongoing acts of harassment and violence against various groups of people deemed “not like us” …
It’s not my fault!
Most people don’t want to believe that they are the difficult person who’s causing a problem, or that they have any part in a miscommunication, disagreement, or conflict. That’s not just my opinion; it’s borne out by a recent survey conducted by Fierce, Inc. (founded by Fierce Conversations author Susan Scott) and Quantum Workplace. According to the report, only half of …
What to do when someone keeps asking the same question
There’s a simple and obvious answer to their problem. You’ve explained it. Multiple times. In different ways. But they keep repeating the question. Your frustration level is through the roof. Your sanity – never mind your temper – is hanging by a very slender thread – a thread that’s just about to snap. A consultant friend was struggling with this. …