Practice. I could end this post right there, because that’s the message. You must practice. Practice doesn’t mean scripts; scripts aren’t helpful when things go sideways. And they will go sideways. As military strategist Helmuth von Moltke said, “No battle plan survives contact with the enemy,” and as pugilist Mike Tyson pointed out, “Everyone has a plan – until they get punched …
Are you part of the 69%?
Sixty-nine percent. That’s how many managers say there’s “something about their role” that makes them uncomfortable communicating with their employees. It’s from a research survey conducted in 2016 by Interact Authentic Communication. I’d be very interested to know how many non-managers are uncomfortable communicating with their managers. I’m guessing it would be at least 69%, and probably more. I find this …
Five common myths about empathy
What do you believe about empathy? I asked that question on my social media channels, and was fascinated by the range of responses. 1. Empathy is hard (and you’re already overworked and overwhelmed). Empathy can seem difficult because we feel vulnerable when we allow ourselves to experience it. In fact, though, empathy is a natural part of who we are …
Are there alternatives to win-lose negotiation?
Negotiation. Someone wins. Someone else loses. One person gets what they want. The other person doesn’t. How often do we “win,” only to discover that it’s a hollow victory? What we said we wanted feels different from the “winning” outcome. How often do we “win,” only to discover that the relationship with the other person is irreparably damaged? How often do …
Mindset and diversity
I read an article recently – and I’m kicking myself for not making a note of where it was and who wrote it – in which the author, a consultant, commented on an executive meeting he was attending at a client site. The meeting included people of different ethnicity, religion, color, and gender. Partway through the meeting, the consultant looked …
Are you okay?
Simple questions. The answers seem straightforward. But are they? It’s a matter of interpretation. And misinterpretation can lead to fractured relationships, undercut credibility, and delayed projects. The question: “Are you okay?” Pat: “No.” Devon: “Yeah.” What Pat really means: “I have a headache and I’m tired; I don’t feel well, and that’s not okay.” What Devon really means: “I have a headache and I’m …
Does empathy belong in the workplace?
What’s your biggest challenge in feeling understood? Not just thinking or believing that the other person understands what you’re saying. Truly feeling understood. Does that seem like a weird question? I ask because for each of us as individuals, the deepest goal of communication is to feel (not just “be”) understood. This is more than intellectual understanding; it’s the experience of connection with another person …
Are you … manipulative?
What do you think: are you manipulative? I wish there was an easy way to pause the display of this page for 60 seconds for you to think about your answer – and not just your answer, but the whole experience of reading the question and then answering. What does the question feel like? Where does it land in your body? …
Words matter
Recently, a friend mentioned that her partner had written her a note before heading off on a business trip. “Please remember to water the baby peas.” My friend told me she’d have no problem remembering – and, more importantly, doing – this. If the note had read, “Please remember to water the garden,” it might not have ended well for the seedlings. The words …
An alternative to “safe space”
“This is a safe space.” We hear that a lot in coaching, counseling, consulting, and even in business meetings. Groups on Facebook and on LinkedIn are touted as “safe space” where we can feel comfortable in the company of like-minded people: no one will push our buttons. Educational institutions are under pressure to create “safe space” where students and teachers …